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Don't Panic!
by Dusty Starfield

Comet - Don't Panic

 Another near miss sets the Astronomers buzzin'.

Dateline: September 27th 2009

Cranks and boffins alike were in agreement yesterday, it is possibly likely that on 27/09/2009 a comet may, under certain deliberately vague conditions, collide with the Earth.

In the 2 dimensional representation left, it is difficult to see if the comet may strike, pass in front or behind the Earth but it sure looks bad.
Professor of Astro Studies at Portland & Maryland University, Dr.Nowall, would not confirm whether this comet, now named 'Mengele', would strike or be termed a 'Near Miss Anomaly'.  "It certainly merits further investigation as we have previously been unaware of it existence".  He went on further to confirm that the comet did not appear on recent photographs taken by the Hubble space  telescope, which was recently pointed in the direction from which the comet would come.  Dr. Nowall was keen to add that he believed he was the world's greatest authority on anything Astophysical, and that it was one in the eye for his former school teachers who said he wouldn't amount to nuthin'.

This reporter contacted NASA for their reaction, I spoke to Head of  Galactic Research, Professor Hans Upp, who said "We lost the war but we are winning the peace and the space race. Our Fuhrer would be proud.".  A meeting of all the World's top Astro scientists will convene later this month.