The Flash

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Flash Main Story Links

Don't Panic! - Another near miss sets the Astronomers buzzin'.
 

Dusty Starfield reports.

Hidden text never to be revealed!!!

Drik Beta Discovery - The Tongan Two are on the warpath over a 'ridiculous' planet name.

What's NASA's take on it?

Ion Vallance reports from Wales

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Twinkle, Twinkle - Have the Chinese stolen a march on the Yanks or is it a hoax helped by a six year old and a box of crayons?

J.J. Jay reports from Rotterdam

Hidden text never to be revealed!!!

Orbis The Slayer - will this red Giant speak doom for Earth or do we just like putting the shits up ourselves?

Sonny Sol reports from Barnsley

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Physician Helix Thy Self - Alien race contacts Earth for assistance, can rancid cheese really help?

Check it out.

E.T. Stardust Investigates

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Freakin' Freaks- Does this merry band of hippy amateurs have the sketch on time travel?

Pauline Pulsar reports from Trampp

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Panic Over! - An update on the  near miss which set the Astronomers buzzin'.
 

Dusty Starfield reports.

Alienated Aliens in Decay
by Graspin T Weerdo, MSc

Alien

Aliens captured by the Ruskies and held alive since 1959 in a specially adapted gulag, are expiring at an alarming rate.

Professor Giorgy Rasputin, of the state sponsored Alien Research Centre, said "we kept them locked away all this time separated in different rooms, with 6 inch thick concrete and lead-lined walls.  They did not want to communicate with us and were unable to communicate with each other.  Then one day, 'Poof' they all started to expire".

Dr, Deke Zitter of the Colorado State University believes the beings are dying primarily because of the alienation of the alien nation.

The Flash contacted the research centre at Area 51, Roswell for comment.  However, the usual denials were delivered by a spotty-faced young Colonel, a charmless person with no social graces.

SHAG magazine are reported to have paid $100,000 for an exclusive video of the expiration of the last alien, the one the Ruskies call 'Bob'.

End.


 

Flash News Shorts

Arubis-Phi Gas Giant image

Arubis-Phi First Picture -
Captured by the Pecker probe on the outskirts of our Galaxy, first glimpse of the new gas planet and its moon Tikka.  Shot taken looking back towards our sun.
Hidden text never to be revealed!!!

Eclipse animation

Video from the Delta 2 Galaxy - NASA boffins are wetting themselves with delight as the latest video is beamed back.  This eclipses everything that has gone before said one sad sack with a degree in bollocks.
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Death Star

Star Wars' Legacy - George Lucas has been urged to put an end to all future filming as alarming new pictures reveal the extent of his follower's troubles.
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Moon animation

Over The Moon - French film-maker Serge Grass has bemused scientists with his shots of the moon.  Speeded up 71.3 times the Moon's spin appears eccentric, said the eccentric!
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Red Dwarf animation

Red Dwarf Captured - The odds are ten thousand times worse than winning the lottery then hearing something intelligent from Dubya but these boys from Brazil captured the moment.
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Columbia Shuttle

Columbia to blast off from Columbia - the flagship may rocket away from its namesake site says man with one shoe and a piss soaked raincoat.
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Starburst image

Starburst Spectacular- Swede's simulate a starburst under laboratory conditions using 2 pieces of flint and a stretch of the imagination - no shit!
 

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